Best of Dilbert

Dilbert cartoons are usually bang on point. They are wonderful stress busters too. Here are my top choices… Thank you Scott Adams…

Best of Dilbert - 1

 

Best of Dilbert - 2

Ridiculous Acts of Faith

I am not a believer. At best I’m agnostic. When and where I lost my faith in organized religion, I do not remember. But the seeds were sown in early childhood when I was forced to attend church and listen to uninspiring sermons. Later, during the tumultuous adolescent years, with the fire of rebellion burning inside, I became more and more skeptical of religious authority and its tenets. Over the years the fire has subsided and I have come to accept religion as the private affair of an individual. I have realized that religion is not really about God; in fact God it seems to me is a hypothesis, a prop to support a massive social engineering structure. I could be wrong though, given the immense support God and religion enjoys on our planet, these ideas have a morbid fascination equivalent to that of sex. The difference is that while sex exists the other is at best chimerical. That these two, religion and sex, are at loggerheads is obvious from religious condemnation of sex as evil. According to me, such enmity is only natural; after all they are two competing energies wrangling over our lives. Many a time this leads to a desperate struggle within ourselves, as we try to balance our biological needs and religious aspirations. Spiritual gurus like Osho Rajaneesh recruit followers and amass enormous fortunes by claiming to reconcile these disparate forces that govern our lives. According to me, this compulsion to achieve a blissful ménage a trois of self, spirit and sex is self inflicted. In reality there is no conflict of interest. Religion, to me has no business interfering with sex and vice versa. Each occupies separate spheres of influence. It is only the desire of religion to poke its spiritual nose into the natural order of things that is the cause of a lot of our troubles.

 

All religions lay claim to one God, omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. All of them lay claim to human soul too. Existence of both these entities, God and soul, has not been verified till date. Religious crusades have been waged and immense agonies have been endured by the faithful for appropriation of these abstract entities to their respective religions. With the exception of a few, most world religions have been aggressive on winning over flock from other religions, either by way of evangelism or by compulsion. The latest mutant of this conversion drive is “Love Jihad“. Armed with money, mobile phones and other essential romantic paraphernalia, religious Casanova‘s are unleashed on unsuspecting young women. Once married the girl is converted to the husband’s religion. This impressive modus operandi offers several advantageous over the traditional one. It does not require brain washing or whipping up of hatred or promise of posthumous bliss. Young men hardly need inducement to undertake such missions. Love-Jihad is its own reward. In this enterprise, holy war and love dissolve into a transcendent cocktail, a rare mix of business and pleasure. More like in a Bond movie script. However, the flamboyant Love Jihadi, unlike James Bond, marries the girl and forces a conversion before taking her to bed. It is nothing short of a miracle. The throat slitting, gun toting terrorist is transformed into a charming Adonis, a knight in shining armor riding the latest motorbike, smartly dressed, and bristling with mobile phones with a liberal supply of moolah. Such flashes of religious inspiration have been very rare off late.

 

Religion sanctifies love. It screams unconditional love from every pulpit. Love thy God, love thy neighbour and love the poor etcetera. Love Jihad provides an alternate definition of love, one driven by laws of entrapment, something fanatic and disrespectful of human values. Love as a weapon instead of grace. The underlying message it seeks to propagate is “If you love me, change your God”.

 

In my view, a Love-Jihadi is little more than a sophisticated version of the unscrupulous Romeo. The ulterior motive in this case is religious conversion rather than sex sans commitment. Love-Jihad is an unprincipled exploitation of innocence, in religious garb, and hence more potent and dangerous. But it seems to have the same flaws as say, network marketing; it would take a lot of gullible to prop up the pyramid. It is also expensive and time consuming, all that courtship, marriage and conversion takes time, effort and money. The conception of such an inefficient and ridiculous idea only indicates the depth to which religious evangelists can sink to grow their flock. Personally I think Love-Jihad has already fallen flat on its face. The only problem is the trouble it would cause to genuine lovers from disparate religions. From that perspective, it has done considerable damage to the social fabric.

Aromas Of China

As I have indicated before, Gurgaon offers multiplicity of choices for the gastronomically inclined. Most of the restaurants are in the mid to up market range. Those located near office complexes routinely offer buffet lunches at rates hovering near INR 400.00 inclusive of taxes, predominantly to cater to the corporate crowd. Lunching in these restaurants daily is not viable for average income guys like me. But once a month we end up at these watering holes under corporate sponsorship to “foster team SPIRIT”. This time our choice fell on Aromas of China.

The restaurant is located at the farthest end on the third floor food court inside Ambiance Mall. It is spacious and can comfortably sit more that 200 people at a time. There are several circular tables which are ideal for a group of 10. The staff is unobtrusive, courteous and well mannered. We were ushered into a comfortable table as soon as we entered. The table and chair were of the right height and seating was very comfortable.

As usual I sampled only the non-vegetarian section where the buffet menu consisted of Chicken dumplings, Chicken Sumai, Chicken cold meat salad, Spicy chicken Soya coriander thick soup, Soft fried prawns in Hunan sauce, Sliced chicken with pak choy, Sliced lamb in black bean sauce and Yang chow  fried rice among others. That was a lot of choice. I began with chicken dumpling, chicken sumai (another kind of dumpling) and the soup to stoke my appetite. Then I turned to fish fingers and fried prawns before settling on a main course of fried rice with sliced lamb and chicken. The dumplings and soup were superb. Fish fingers were mediocre. The fried rice and sliced chicken were interesting but sliced lamb was disappointing.

Apart from Darsaan (honey noodles) and Date Wonton they had an impressive array of desserts ranging from pineapple soufflé to strawberry pudding and two choices for ice creams along with plenty of cut fruits, marinated apricots and biscuits. As you have guessed by now, it is the desserts that get me going and I sampled them all. I was still gorging on while other patiently waited for me to finish. To be frank, I couldn’t resist a clandestine, pleasurable burp as we left.

The place is worth visiting again but you got to work up sufficient appetite to try it all. It is not strictly gourmet fare, but definitely worth the Rs.400.00 you fork out. On my version of the Michelin star scale, this one scores 8 out of 10. It is definitely en route to culinary nirvana.

Dilli Haat

Last weekend we went to Dilli Haat. That’s where I go when I want to add some variety to my daily fare. Incidentally you could also browse through artifacts from different states as well. Looking at the place, small brick stalls selling anything from bronze sculptures and Pashmina shawls to cushions and straw mats, one would never imagine that it is located on top of a sewage system.

Anyways, one section of Dilli Haat is devoted to food from various states of India. And the one I patronize most is Wazwan, the Kashmiri stall selling Gushtaba, Kokar Kanti, Tabak Maaz and Kahwah – saffron and almond flavoured Kashmiri tea. Gushtaba, minced lamb meatball in yogurt based gravy goes well with steamed rice. Kokar Kanti, succulent, fried cubes of chicken in a thick paste of tomato and chilly is absolutely divine. Wash it all down with a hot glass of Kahwah and all you can think of is a refreshing open air siesta.

The Rajasthani stall also stocks some delightful fare. My wife, who is a devout vegetarian as usual made a beeline for that one.

Anyways, all I can do now is, “burp” and sink into spicy reminiscence.

Serendipitious delights

Sometimes the best things in life are discovered entirely by chance. Like yesterday night when we came across this tiny shack near the rear exit of Anzal Plaza in Sector-22, Gurgaon. All of us were in a mood for a quick bite and that was probably why “Vada Pav” caught my eye so quickly. “Vada Pav“, a native of Maharashtra is a rare sight in Gurgaon. So, it was pure ecstasy to find it tucked away in this remote corner of the universe.

We were delirious with anticipation as we approached and immediately spotted the Vada‘s from far away. We rubbed our eyes and pinched each other to make sure this was no mirage. The Vada’s were definitely there for the taking, but Pav, nope, Pav was exhausted. We were heart broken but decided to try the Vada anyway. Soon, steel plates with Vada’s swimming in coconut chutney and red chilly paste were passed around. My god, amazing Vada‘s, authentic Mumbai flavour mouth watering Vada. We nearly exhausted the restaurant’s Vada inventory. My friend in the meantime couldn’t resist a chicken soup which he later claimed to have tasted a bit like Sambar! There were many more alluring items on the menu like chicken lolly pops, varieties of soups and momos. The food was warm and hygienic. The setting was informal; sweet chill of incipient winter was in the air, and steaming Vada‘s melted in our mouth.

The owner was thin, dark and pleasant faced. He was a Shetty from Mangalore. He asked if we were Malayalee’s and as we nodded in a semi trance induced by Vada, he told his story. He had come to Gurgaon, 11 years ago and had never returned to his native town. He could understand Malayalam, but could hardly speak the language, though he had many friends from Kerala. The shack primarily catered to students from nearby colleges and he was doing brisk business. We could see that. Even at this late hour there were a group of students chatting away at a corner over tea and momos. He had plans to expand the set up to cope up with the demand. He was particularly attentive to us. Compared to his, our lives were easy. Yet, he was optimistic and cheerful at the end of the day. Probably he has to wake up at 4 AM and start over.

Our nocturnal adventure was coming to an end. This was another instance of chance triumphing over well laid plans, reinforcing my belief in serendipity. I vowed to be more open to chance and its unexpected delights as we drove away.

Where to find Ashva’s Fast Food

It’s on the lane next to Anzal’s Plaza in Sector – 22, Gurgaon. Shetty can be reached at 9718559669.

On the road – In Delhi & NCR

Our weekly meetings usually begin with a brief safety message. Most often these are related to traffic woes. It is not surprising given the fact that roads in Delhi and NCR are notorious for road rage, traffic jams, flouting of traffic rules and poor enforcement. Donkeys, buffaloes, cows, dogs, cyclists, cycle rickshaws and pedestrians compete with cars, buses, trucks and auto-rickshaws for space. All of us are familiar with that rush of adrenalin when someone cuts in front or a slow moving vehicle occupies the fastest lane.

The safety message we had today invariably converged on this familiar theme. My colleague was stuck in traffic for over 40 minutes. Finally he got out of the car and together with some others tried to impose some order to the chaos. While he was at it, one car rushed into the spot being cleared and blocked the flow of traffic. My colleague noticed that it was an embassy vehicle. He requested the gentleman in the car to back out and clear the space. In the ensuing argument, the guy in the car stated that “This is India” implying that in India this is the way to drive if you intend to reach your destination in time. Delhi and NCR has several expatriates who have realized that disciplined driving does not work on Indian roads. It is a sad to find aggressive driving habits replacing defensive, safe driving habits, out of sheer frustration.

India shall host Commonwealth games in 2010, welcoming a multitude of people from various nations into our country. As our guests step out of the airport, the chaos, impatience and belligerence of our roads would be among the first things that greet them. Apart from the pathetic performance we routinely showcase at sports, the environment that we would have created for the games would be miasmic. We cannot blame the confusion of our roads on population density. It has very much to do with our outlook. We have scant respect for public property and our civic pride is nil. Unless we change our attitude and learn to respect each other on roads, at home, in public and in private, our dreams of growing into a global superpower shall remain a pipe-dream, at best.

Bang for your buck

Hi all, I am back again. Have been busy with work for some time. I really admire those who can balance their jobs, home and still find time to blog.

 

 So much have happened in the meantime. Diwali has come and gone. We too hung neon lights and lighted diyas. There were fireworks, crackers and rockets. Surprisingly, this year Delhi recorded lesser atmospheric pollution but greater noise pollution. Crackers have become costly. Probably to compensate for it sound effects have been vastly enhanced. Sort of more “bang” for your buck, literally.

 

 Obama received the controversial Nobel Prize. Did he deserve it? Obama himself expressed reservations, but decided to keep the prize, all the same. How modest. Well, he’s carrying a huge burden of expectations on his shoulders. And he has promised more bang for the buck. Bang, bang, bang, bang… And the buck, ask the prize committee which sold out to the bang.

 

 Then there were the usual slew of disasters. Flooding in Andhra, Karnataka and Orissa, Philippines, Polynesia. Yesterday there was a train mishap at Mathura. People died. I sometimes wonder how I can be so indifferent to such disturbing news. Somehow I seem to think that such things cannot happen to me. As if I have been granted divine immunity. And I desperately want to believe it. Anyways, I banged my head against the staircase yesterday evening. I was engrossed in my supermarket bill. The staircase must have noticed it. Before I had a chance to say, Hello, move over a bit, there it was, bang, and gifted me a gooseberry on the forehead. That shook me out of the philosophical reverie and reinforced the principle that  life comes with no guarantees. No replacement and at best only marginal repair. Better increase the insurance cover. One never know when a real bang  will come and get all your bucks.

 

What else? I have also started believing in chance encounters. One tiny, inconsequential act, one chance question and a whole series of events were set in motion which eventually helped me to get in touch with my college friends and former colleagues. A cosmic, magnetic alignment of iron filings. A mysterious falling into place which I could not logically retrace to the epicenter. There was one obvious, omnipresent catalyst to the process. Internet and social networking sites. Now, that is definitely more bang for no bucks.

 

Well, I have been banging around a lot now.  There will be more of it in the days to come. After all, we have an eternity to lay waste…

Bombay, Oops, Mumbai Masala…

On 3rd October, the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) chief demonstrated the extent of his magnanimity to the world. He absolved the remorseful Karan Johar, of committing the heinous crime of calling “Mumbai”, “Bombay” in his recently released movie, “Wake Up, Sid”.

The act evidenced to all that despite his belligerent and acrimonious exterior, Mr. Raj Thackeray harboured a mellow heart, ever overwhelmed at the slightest hint of repentance. Kudos to Karan too, for as soon as the spiritual and financial implications of his transgression dawned on him, he rushed to Mr.Thackeray to register abject apologies.

It was a historical triumph for Ahimsa, for non violence, a day after the nation celebrated Gandhi Jayanti. Till yesterday, MNS ruthlessly attached job seekers from Bihar, wrecked shops selling Valentine day cards and broke a few limbs here and there to get their message across. Little did we realize that it was all in the noble cause of preserving our spiritual heritage and to deliver us from the anglicized demons that prostituted our sacred names? MNS, by subscribing to detachment, the overarching Indian philosophical mantra, had consistently dissociated itself from such trivial preoccupations like farmer suicides and drought.  They humbly aspired that Maharashtra, especially Mumbai (!!), remained exclusively for Marathi Manoos and that no one ever dared to utter the word, Bombay.   Thus, the MNS chief, by dismissing the misconduct with and indulgent reprimand, underscored the commitment of MNS to rebuild Maharashtra, as an egalitarian, vibrant and tolerant, Ramarajya.   

So, “Wake Up, World”, refrain from the obvious conclusions. This is not an instance of a political hooligan extracting his pound of flesh from a gutless film maker. Look beyond. Endeavour to understand the cosmic significance of the encounter. And if you cannot get that into you, we know how to shove Mumbai down your throat.

The Father Of The Nation

2nd October. The day all Indians enjoy a mandatory holiday. The day politicians pay lip service to M K Gandhi. The day Shashi Tharoor twittered “Gandhiji said”Work is Workship” & we enjoy holiday on his birthday. He wld hv wanted us to work harder today”. It hurt our sentiments. What a spoil sport, why prick the conscience, when life is all jingalala (!!). Anyway, Congress immediately clarified that it was Mr. Tharoor’s personal opinion, that the party respected our desire to spent the entire day in silent, non violent contemplation of Gandhian ideals.

 The malls were full in the evening, a discount sale was on, movie tickets were soldout, tourist resorts were overbooked, bars were closed but homes were well stocked, Montblanc launched a golden pen in commemoration and restaurants offered special Gandhi Jayanti meals.

As the sun set, The Father of the Nation, bent over his staff, walked along the road to oblivion, in vain search of the truth to set us free.

Nursery School Admissions!!!

It’s that time of the year in Gurgaon, when parents seeking nursery school admissions for their children steel themselves for the ordeal ahead. Apart from the enormous capitation fee, the hapless parents face written tests,  interviews and group discussions before the child can approach the school gates. The child is also interviewed sometimes, and parents pray to every god that the innocent babble of the child does not spoil his/ her chances of admission.

Many of my colleagues have taken leave from office this week to attend this charade. The interview questions require parents to be experts in subjects ranging from child psychology to world economy. Parents who have not developed high aspirations for the child or framed their expectations of the school in definite terms stand little chance of winning the coveted admission.

Check out some of these questions before you even think of admissions.

a) What do you want your child to become?

b) Explain the role of ‘Books’ in a child’s life?

c) How will you develop the qualities of sharing and caring in the child?

d) Freedom = Responsibility. Comment?

e) How do you enhance the motor skills of your child?

f) Can we provide some kind of justification on forcing our wishes onto the child?

g) What has been your child’s personal milestone till today in your opinion?

h) What are your views with respect to the joint family versus nuclear family while focusing on the child’s overall development?

Now these are only a tiny sample of the volley of questions awaiting the parent. It is no wonder why many parents are paralyzed with fear when it comes to school admissions. During our coffee table discussions there was unanimous agreement that this system of interviews benefits only the schools by helping them to winnow out children likely to underperform for any reason. In the light of the huge demand for schooling, education has become a zero sum game benefitting only the schools. Schools also demand to know whether the parents are financially capable enough to afford the overhwelming educational expenses. It often happens that both parents have to work to support the houshold. However, schools want to ensure that one of the parents, highly qualified he or she may be, stays at home to spend “quality” time with the child. So we have the classic catch-22 situation, one has to work to provide the child “quality” education and care the school purportedly offers, but at the same time, one needs to stay at home so as to spend quality time with the child.

 We have reached an age where education has become big business. It no longer contributes to nation building. The multitude of international schools which have cropped up all over NCR exploits the vulnerability of parents to the hilt. No one in Gurgaon in their right mind would dare to send their child to a government school. There are no teachers and no infrastructure.

Despite the exalted ideals expounded by schools during admissions, the children have to take extra tuitions to achieve good results. Parents too have to burn midnight oil to work through the gargantuan homeworks and assignments given to the children.

Considering the difficulty of school admissions, I often wonder if it is worthwhile to have a child. I’m not exaggerating. Perhaps, the pleasures of bringing up a child out weighs the pains. But some of these pains are avoidable. Psyching out the child and putting enormous pressure on parenthood takes the joy out of it.

A school is a sacred institution. But today its ideological foundations have eroded under economic pressure. The school is now a business centre and children and parents are the raw materials to be manipulated to further profits.

In my opinion, the goverment needs to act, on one hand to improve the infrastructure and incentives provided to goverment schools and on the other hand by bringing legislation to arrest the day light robbery practised by wayward schools motivated solely by business interests.