Some bullshit

Fundamentally I believe I am incredibly stupid. Which is only natural.  Am not sure if I was born so,  but the way I have been behaving for the past 40 odd years, I am convinced that I am stupid.  At the same time I do not think I am alone.  Probably a large percentage of human beings are stupid. Realizing that I am stupid has not done me much good either except for shattering the illusion of smartness.  This hasn’t much to do with intelligence. I too am of average intelligence in my judgement.  Despite the so called intelligence,  the kind of life I lead (like that of countless others) is pointless.  Maybe this is the 40 year crisis – about the time when you begin this kind of kinky analyses.  Anyway what the fuck.  Another 30 years and I’ll be stuffed in a coffin with nothing better to do.  Meanwhile I would have worried myself shit over bills,  health insurance, pot belly, my looks,  wrinkles, social status, what not. Why go through this all? What’s the bloody point?   I wake up at night thinking that something else is in charge of me.  That this illusion of freewill is all I have got. Guess most people think this way when they are my age.  We must be programmed this way.  Only a few –  the ones with oodles of willpower and insight – have been able to overcome it…  Hope I would someday achieve a semblance of wisdom.  Meanwhile,  screw all of this! let me have my dinner….