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Obsession

My recent obsession is with free eBooks. As soon as I get to know of an interesting title, I instantly fire up Google and starts an intense search for the free pdf version of it, knowing full well that I’m unlikely to get it. But this knowledge does not deter me from clicking all the hyperlinks which are even remotely associated with the subject. After going round all the blind alleys which leads to further blind alleys and wasting a whole lot of time and energy, I am left with a restlessness bordering on guilt, self loathing, irritability and perhaps even a sense of injustice against the whole of internet for refusing me the freebie which I am fully entitled to.

This download obsession – is not restricted to books alone; movies, music, video, porn, applications, games, anything! I know that I’m not alone. There are many such possessed who trawl the internet in the hope of finding that elusive link and finally ends up thwarted and frustrated.

What is this malady? Why this flaming desire to get the book for free? I can very well afford to pay the few dollars to get a legitimate version from an online bookstore. But no. That’s not what I want to do. Why pay for something when I can get it for free. What I don’t realize (or refuses to realize) is that the time and energy spent in the search and the resulting frustration is the price I pay. But that’s small change when compared to the bounty!!! The discounted value of time and effort… Boy, who’s talking of man hours….

For sure, nothing is free. Sooner or later there is always a price to pay for everything that is advertised as free. However, the self deception mechanism of my mind is sufficiently strong and efficient to counter any budding skepticism on the hidden cost of free. Such doubts are immediately suppressed and I’m launched into the embrace of the free, blindfolded and straight jacketed by my own willing self. What a contradiction. Knowing full well that the end result is dissatisfaction in all probability.

According to Bible, the first Man and Woman got swindled despite having everything for free… And they were damned because they DESIRED Wisdom!!!! The irony of it…

The road to damnation is more inviting and hence the most traveled. Taking the road less traveled – mossy, crumbling and unwelcoming – needs deliberation, thoughtfulness and effort. Why not take the easy way out. So the cycle of craving, thwarting, frustration is bound to repeat itself endlessly in me. There is a vague desire to escape it. But neither the spirit nor the flesh is willing… Who can blame me.. The whole world is indulging in desire… Why not go with the flow… Why not have it all free…

Desire, desire, desire, false hope, false hope, false hope, indulgence, indulgence, indulgence. This is the sacred mantra… Chant it in the name of love, chant it in the name of God, chant it forever and forever more… That is salvation, that’s life…

So bring it on, free for life credit cards, discount sales, promotions, free talk time, free eBooks, free apps, free Wi-Fi, buy one get two free, buy a refrigerator get a sunscreen free, buy underwear and get cologne free, free holidays, gratis, gratis, gratis, gratis, gratis, gratis…. This is FREE-dom…. This is the new heavenly kingdom… The other heaven, the heaven of the Bible has fewer and fewer aspirants… Probably, it is available at rock bottom price on some real estate website… Let me Google it…

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